To the love of my life (who I haven’t met yet)

Someday, I’ll read this to you. You’ll smile, I’ll cry.

I waited more than 30 years for you, and it was worth it. Because you are.

I waded through (maybe more than) my fair share of bad relationships, bad men, and bad situations. Thank the universe for every single heartbreak that taught me more of what I wanted, and more about what I didn’t.

I am so thankful I continued to be brave enough to keep breaking open, rather than build walls around my heart. With each pain I experienced, I became more capable of appreciation and love for you.

I stopped giving space to people who did not value me, and I stopped giving energy to anyone who depleted me, so that I could instead put my time towards the things that matter – my passions, my work, my people, and to prioritize myself.

I am my best, most passionate, most “me” version of myself that I have ever been, and this includes my faults, flaws, and fears, because I am not perfect and will never pretend to be. I am thankful for the time it took us to meet, because I needed it, to become who I want to be, who I was meant to be.

I am so grateful that we have the emotionally open, vulnerable, responsive, fun, deep, and passionate relationship that I’ve always desired, but never experienced. We are unique. We are special.

I love you, and I love me, and I’m so happy that I continued making the hard choices that kept me on the journey to meet you, and that I had the strength to wait for you, rather than give in to what was easy.

I won’t lie – there were times of darkness. There were many, many times I questioned my worthiness, for this life, and for you. The friends of mine who we love so much were my rocks during these doubts, and assured me of your existence. They told me that I am special, and worthy, and deserving. I didn’t always believe them, but I am so thankful that I listened.

I bestowed love and affection (and money, and attention) on men who hurt me and who were not your equal. But these moments taught me to be even more appreciative of your power, strength, and character.

It would have been easy – many times – to settle for what was tolerable and comfortable, but I chose the more difficult and truer path. I knew something better was waiting for me. I knew it was you. I believed in the deepest part of my heart that we would have an extraordinary love. I wanted this for me and for you.

Thank you for being there for me when I need you, while respecting my independence and appreciating my abilities. I adore you and I give you all of me – I trust you not to abuse the gift, because you are a man of integrity. I know deeply what integrity is, mainly because I learned the very-hard way what it is not.

We have adventures and romance and so much laughter. There is pain and tears and hardship, because this is real life, but in all of the worst moments, we make it through the storm sheltering and comforting each other. We never abandon each other, or ourselves.

We live our lives in a way that embraces the beauty and truth and joy and difficulties, because we want the full human experience. We strive to live as fully as possible. We do not numb out or give up, but are honest and ask for support when these desires hit us.

We grow and change and evolve and improve together, and uplift each other on this journey.

I said no to the things that did not serve me on my path to my highest self. Because I wanted to be the best for you, but even more so, to be the best for ME.

I love you. I love us.